I'd always wanted to be a mother, but my motherhood journey has never gone as expected or hoped. I miscarried my first, had a beautiful neurodivergent boy who challenges everything I thought I knew about motherhood, had another suspected miscarriage, had my second little boy who decided to challenge me in completely different ways to his brother, then found out less than a year later that I had miraculously fallen pregnant again with another boy, but this time with multiple, rare, cardiac complications.

It was an incredible test of faith but our little boy, Dorian, defied all odds and medical expectations, and was born happy, healthy, and without requiring any surgical interventions or life supports. In fact, he was discharged from NICU within a week, and continued to defy odds, growing into a beautiful and peaceful personality - the very essence of joy, despite a life of constant hospital appointments, medical reviews, and lots of health precautions.

But Dorian was healthy and strong, thriving on his own without interventions, until one day in July 2024. He passed away suddenly and unexpectedly at 7 months old following a trip to ED, because of reasons that we may never know on this earth. Take that and my history of depression, anxiety, and mental health illness, and I really should not be standing here today, let alone functioning, but by God’s grace, I am.